1. |
Birds
04:08
|
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2. |
Beard Jealousy
02:56
|
|||
|
I saw a picture of a man
From 1929 and I thought
Why can't I be that man?
Well I thought to myself
Of course I can't be that man
He looks like he was 35 in 1929
But if I could I know I would
Attempt to become that man
Because that gentleman's beard is so fucking grand
I tend to wonder what it'd be like
To run around and have a flapper wife
And was Herbert Hoover really such an asshole?
And what type of pipe tobacco
Do the ladies like to smell on their man
And how can I get me some?
Horseless carriage or model-t's
Did he live on a farm or in the big city
Was he a good guy or was he weird?
I don't care, he had a kick ass beard
|
||||
3. |
Cellphone Blues
03:08
|
|||
|
Well I don't see the flashing lights
From my cell phone
Hidden underneath my pillow case
I don't want to see your face
And if I don't want to see it
Why would I wanna hear it?
And I know you'll leave a voicemail
That I won't listen to
So you might as well not waste our fucking time
And sometimes I just wish
I knew how to block a call
But then I wouldn't be singin this song to you
Then the other day, I was on a bus
And my pocket started vibrating
And I didn't know who it was
I pulled it out and it stopped buzzing
When it realized, that I realized
It was you calling from a different phone
|
||||
4. |
Das Boot Great Film
03:46
|
|||
|
Pappy was a potato farmer from kyrgistan
I shall hunt him till the end of time.
It's time to have some real good fun.
WELLLL I went meself a sailin! and...
Give 'em the ol' hambone!
Today is my birthday
"Let's start her up."
Ooom Guano Kick Bootie!
Paranoia is the anti-perspirant of the powerful
Get ready to run.
do my good looks and charm
make you more or less afraid of me?
It's clear to the left,
and clear to the right . . .
so, put her in gear and hang on tight!
You took that photo of your dog yesterday. There is a date on the bottom of the photo. Those were two sentences and two facts.
DAS BOOT!
great film.
|
||||
5. |
Birthday
02:42
|
|||
|
Happy birthday to me
There's things I don't see
Under the big oak tree
And there's these things I don't wanna be, no more
Let's all die on our birthday
Let's all go so far away
We can just melt today
And float into the milky way, right away
I don't see a second chance
Though we shared our first dance
I know I'm a sucker for romance..
novels
How novel, this romance, this romance
|
||||
6. |
DEATH!!!
02:30
|
|||
|
I'm so done with you
With your scythe pointed at the back of my head
After you walked toward me
So steadfast, before you pointed
Well death I think about you
talk about, Write about you too much
And I don't know why
Guess cause I'm scared of you
But I'm so done with you
Poking your head out, 'round every corner
How am i supposed to walk and drive when
I'm so goddamn scared?
What can make you scared Death?
What if I followed you with a weed wacker
Well would that even scare you just a little bit
Just a little bit, Just a tiny bit, a very miniscule bit,
an immeasurable bit, a teensy weensy bit,
If any bit, at all?
|
||||
7. |
Demon Doll
03:56
|
|||
|
A creepy hypnotist
You're a ventriloquist
And I'm your servant
I've been hypnotized to think
That I really care about you
But why would I really think
That I would ever care about you?
I sing as you drink some water
I somehow walk all by myself
Your fake beard is attention fodder
And you keep me on your topshelf
I'm just a ventriloquist dummy
For an evil ventriloquist who
Seduced me for all of my money
And now I'm stuck inside of this doll
I've tried to get away
But somehow you control everything I try to do
I don't know how many times master
I've thought about killing you
I'm just a ventriloquist dummy
For an evil ventriloquist who
Seduced me for all of my money
And I wish you'd turn into some goo
How can i break this curse
-put him in a hearse
that's how I'll break this curse
|
||||
8. |
||||
|
Oh Jamie, wherever you go work
I say people they will come
No matter where you work
The people will be sure to come
It doesn't matter if you work
At a place where people won't normally go
I am willing to make a large bet
That they will most certainly want to go
Say, if you work at a place that
Well isn't even customer service oriented
Like say a pencil factory, well if you were there
Then all the elementary schools would be there on daily tours
Cause wherever you will work
I know the people will come
Wherever you're employed
The people will want to be near
I don't care where you go
All I can tell you is that I know
All the people will soon follow
And I will always be following too
Wherever you go work
I will always write a song
Coffeehouse or yogurt shop
I won't steer you wrong
Wherever you go work, Jamie
They'll be sure to drive you crazy
The people all ask stupid questions
And I'll write another song or 3
Wherever you go work
Wherever you go work
The people are all jerks
Wherever you go work
|
||||
9. |
GSPJKMA
03:44
|
|||
|
You don't like our sound
Well I don't like your face
We are Girl Scout Promise
And I girl scout promise, I'll kick your ass
I don't need your negative attitude
I don't need your douchey pessimism
I've got enough of my own
Thank you for the offer
I'm not too big a fan of playing guitar solos
Because I don't really know how to play guitar
I'm just playing a couple chords here and there
And if you've got a problem, well, I'll pull your hair
Cause we are Girl Scout Promise
We never did promise you anything else
It's not like we're paying you to listen, unless we are
Well if we are, you better be having a fucking blast
I'm not a fan of confrontation
But if you confront me, I'll break your face
You may think "He's just a wussy artist"
But you'd better come up to me and say that to my fist
As it connects with your face and you fall to the ground
You'll be hearing this kind of repetitive lo-fi sound
From the guy who just punched you and turned you into a bloody mess
People will ask what happened and you'll say to them
'Girl Scout Promise just kicked my ass'
I better not mess with them they kicked my ass
|
||||
10. |
Grandma Josie
02:22
|
|||
|
My neck is cold
But you are warm
I wear your scarves
So I am too - Grandma Josie, Grandma Josie
You can put spinach
In anything
I'll eat it up
No questions asked - Grandma Josie, Grandma Josie
When people come up
And ask 'Josie Who?'
I'll point to where your standing
Yes I'll point to you, Grandma Josie, Grandma Josie
Even though you're short
Even though you think everything's so delicious
Even though you would've let papa give me a haftunah
That means she'd probably let him hit me, if he wanted to and trust me he probably wants to
Grandma Josie, Grandma Josie
I love you
|
||||
11. |
Gwar
03:02
|
|||
|
Election day is coming soon
What'll it be a fork or spoon
My nose is bleeding for the hundredth time
I can see my house from here
No I can't, I can't see clear
If I was sad I wouldn't cry a tear
If I could pick a job to have
I would pick pickpocketing
If I'm not robbing then I'm grabbing ass
And if your ass is grabbed by me
Well I must say, you're quite dainty
And Jesus Christ, I'm filled with jealousy
If I could just learn to play guitar
Maybe I'd be a big star
And play crazy, sold out shows like Gwar
And then I'd feed all my fans
To some weird monster man
Who eats them and shits them out for fun
Election day and lots of work
I guess I'll go vote for spork
And my nose has never stopped bleeding
Maybe it's a brain tumor
Or maybe just some strange rumor
All I know is it should stop later or sooner
I'm happy I'm not in the water
Surrounded by sharks, those crazy marauders
Coming at me like fans who love their Gwar
No matter my friend, where you are
Your never too goddamn, bloody far
From a mild mannered man who loves his Gwar
|
||||
12. |
Hanging in the Closet
02:31
|
|||
|
Mother
I know you love me so much
At least that's what you say
I guess I do too, Cause I haven't got a choice
Oh Mother
I know you're sad sometimes
But why do ya gotta hurt me
Every single day
Now I'm hanging
In the closet
Now I'm hanging
In the closet
Now I'm hanging
In the closet
Mother
I can't really breathe right now
And sister's next to me
I can't really hear her either
Mother
I really feel very bad
And whatever happened to
Whatever happened to dad?
Now I'm hanging
In the closet
Now I'm hanging
In the closet
Now I'm hanging
In the closet
Oh mother
I think sister has died
From the knot you tied
And now here I go too
|
||||
13. |
Heartgirl
03:30
|
|||
|
Everytime I see your face
I don't really see your face
Why can't we just switch places?
My heart for your heart. My heart, your heart
Our heart.
Beat beat
I don't see what I cant see
Can you really see me?
Or is the you and me, I see, not we?
Then how do we continue to beat. Beat.
From far away
We share Tuesdays,
Thursday's that are shorter
I'd wish you'd longer stay
From far away
We share Mondays
I wish it was today
So we could share some time together
I'd love to love you
Love you with my heart
That way your old one and you,
Will stay forever apart
|
||||
14. |
||||
|
I don't wish many wishes
Like I don't kiss many kisses
I'd like to put my foot down
And flip it all around
I'd get to know you for a couple weeks
Then I'd get down on one knee
I'd ask you to be my bride
Your excitement can't hide
I wish I was Mormon
So I could wed you
I wouldn't have to wait
Very long to bed you - yeah
We'd talk about looking through magic plates
While we don't drink coffee on all our dates
The only mission that I'll accept to take
Is a mission to babies with you, make - oh yeah
I know you like dude's that wear nice ties
That talk about Jesus to passer's by
Well baby I know I'm gonna be your perfect guy
I'm totally gonna be him til I'm a God in the sky
I wish I was Mormon
So I could wed you
And actually be allowed
Into where I wed you
We could ride our bikes, hang around gymnasiums
And stay in on Monday's playing Cranium
I'd love to wear the magic Mormon underwear
Kissing you, while my other wives are out somewhere
I wish I was Mormon
So I'd be married
I'm almost 24,I should
Already have 3 kids or more
|
||||
15. |
Mukilteo (demo)
02:30
|
|||
|
I shaved my beard today
So I could impress you
One last time
Before you go
You swore cause the M's lost
Well, I did too
I just want to be
A fraction of you, yeah just like you
"Well why don't we go
To Mukilteo"
When it was a Monday
Well I'd wish it was tomorrow
Because every single Tuesday
Yeah, it's Papa Day
Well now it's a Tuesday
It's just not the same
Every single Tuesday
From now I'll just say your name
"Well why don't we go
To Mukilteo"
Now, everybody's here to see you
Nobody can see you're here
I'm giving a speech about you
While fighting back some tears
You touched a lot of hearts, papa
But I bet you probably know
Until we meet again, I love you
Til we meet in Mukilteo
"Well why don't we go
To Mukilteo"
I know
I don't
Know much
About Mukilteo
But I guess
I'll see you there
|
||||
16. |
Sarah B.
03:04
|
|||
|
I know that I've always dreamt about it
Writing a song for a relative
Of a person who wrote some of the only books
I've ever read, in my life
You're Sarah Berenstain
There's a book about your life
Jewish bears, the Berenstain's
Finally, bears I can relate to
I'm hairy and I'm a Jew
How about you?
I hope you see the Fresh Prince
West Philidelphia's where he's born and raised
Unrelated, I hear some TJ guy's lame
Let's have a Jewish wedding
Step on the glass and get some ass
Alex tells me you have a nice haircut
Well then, you should let me slap that butt
I'm hairy and I'm a Jew?
How about you, how about you?
Why would you want to move away
From Austin, Texas time
I hear they got some tasty picante sauce
Corona's with a wedge of lime
Everything in New York City
Is so dark and nobody cares
I know that it's ridiculously shitty
Though I've never even been there
But I'm hairy and a Jew
How bout you?
Grrroooowwwwwlll, I'm a bear-uh
and you are Sarah
|
||||
17. |
Happy Song
02:07
|
|||
|
So I thought I'd write a happy song
To let you know I love you
To let you know that we are all
Looking out for you
Well, I thought that the sun was pretty,
Sunny yesterday, and I smiled
When you walked away
Toward me we embraced
I think that you're thinking
Exactly what I'm thinking
When I think these thoughts
About us
And I think that we're thinking
What we once thought, when we thought
We were in love,
with eachother
So I thought I'd write a happy song
To let you know that you're not wrong
To let you know that I'm always
Looking out for you
And I thought, when the rain was falling
That it looked so nice. With you,
and me and us together with some smiles
We're in love
So I thought I'd write a happy song
To let you know I love you
To let you know that we
Were right all along
We're in love
With eachother
|
||||
18. |
Hooverville
02:47
|
|||
|
I'm really sorry about the great depression
I didn't know it'd be that bad
I'm really sorry about that great depression
I guess I should've got off my ass
I thought it would pass with time
But i guess it got worse as time passed by
I thought it would pass with time
But i guess it got worse as time passed by
I'm really sorry about the great depression
I didn't know it'd be that bad
I'm really sorry about the great depression
I didn't even see it coming
I thought I knew what to do
Sitting still wait for it to pass by
I guess I had no clue
As I sat and wait for it to pass by
I'm really sorry about the great depression
These roaring twenties apparently no more
I'm really sorry about the great depression
I miss this place and economical war
Hooverville, Hooverville
I'm not gonna lie
That's pretty insulting
To me
|
||||
19. |
||||
20. |
I Dislike You
04:01
|
|||
21. |
Impossible Love
03:06
|
|||
22. |
Lizardman
02:49
|
|||
|
Hit in the head with a meteor
He tries to shrug it off
In love with a girl he just met
Then he drifts off to sleep
Killing 4 people with his slimy hands
While blending into the desert lands
When the sun has gone down he's the lizard man
When the moon has gone up he's the lizard man, lizard man
She asks to spend the night
Because he's feeling pretty down
She falls asleep in her evening gown
And he steps outside and out of sight
He's killing some people with his slimy hands
While blending into the desert lands
When the sun has gone down he's the lizard man
The moon has gone up he's the lizard man, lizard man
Waking up outside his swimming pool
She look for him all over the house
Finding him she's worried he's caught a cold
But he pulls her down and takes off her blouse
But the detectives are detecting a problem
An old Native American tells a tale about a
Meteor's contact causing a giant lizardman
Thus solving the giant lizard man conendrum
They know he was struck by a meteor
While trying to impress the girl
When the sun's gone down he's a lizard man
And the moon's gone up he's a lizard man, lizard man
He somehow has no idea that he's
Killing people when he tries to sleep
The policeman tells him the story
And he tries to get away in his jeep
They follow him up into the low hills
Where the trails are scattered and narrow
He kills some officers as Lizard Man
But then he's shot with a bow and arrow
When the sun had gone down he was lizard man
When the moon had gone up he was lizard man
But now in the middle of New Mexico
He is just a dead man
|
||||
23. |
Buffalo
03:12
|
|||
|
There's a town in a state
That I know, that I hate
And that I don't
want to know
It's a town in New York
That I know,
that I don't
really want to go
Buffalo is dying
Maybe it's already dead
I'd rather put a gun against my head
Then to go, to go, to go
to Buffalo
The poor bison, no one will know
You're not even a buffalo
But everyone thinks so
And my mustache won't grow
Buffalo is dying
It's there that he fled
While she waits,
He contemplates a gun to the head
Buffalo is dying
It's there that he fled
While she waits,
He pulled the trigger and now he's dead
I slipped on the mound of snow
Get me out of Buffalo
My mustache, it won't grow
|
||||
24. |
Love Song
02:34
|
|||
25. |
Mosquito
02:41
|
|||
|
Why would you let that
Mosquito bite you too?
Watching it land down
And suck the blood out of you
Now I know you're itching
For some newfound love,
But this my dear, is a different
Type of itch, oh well
I guess you're dead
I've been told many things,
Quirks I suppose, about you
And it's Christmas time
Did you already stuff your stockings?
Well won't you welcome me in
When and if I come to your home?
And what would you say if I was
In fact the mosquito that bit you?
Would you try to swat me this time
Or would you again just let me land
Plant my feet, and then proboscis
Suck it up as you just watch this
You're dead again
|
||||
26. |
Sexy Fence
02:24
|
|||
|
I just read something
Bout a woman who married the Berlin Wall
Don't get me wrong I know she's crazy
But maybe she's got a point
I read she has a thing for walls and fences
Maybe it's cause they need love too
I can imagine being one of those walls or fences
Then I wouldn't need love too
I'd be such a sexy fence
Such such a sexy fence
I knew she'd probably have a lot of cats
Cause she seems like one of those types
But damn she used to be moderately attractive
What the hell happened to her face? Oh well.
This kind of shit probably happens in the south here
But she's most definitely from Europe
I wish I was one of her walls or fences
I'd certainly still try to pick her up
I'd be such a sexy fence
A sexy sexy sexy sexy fence
|
||||
27. |
Shnoo
02:12
|
|||
|
Baby, I love you
Why don't we get some yogurt
I really like vanilla
And I know you like vanilla tooo
Everytime I say I love you
Everytime I untie my shoes
Everytime the seattle mariner's lose
I wanna go down to Shnoo's, Shnoo's yogurt
So what do you say, honey?
Are you still hungry?
I know there's nothing wrong with redmond
But I wanna go to downtown Kirkland
Everytime I say I love you
Everytime I untie my shoe
Everytime the seattle mariner's lose
I wanna go down to Shnoo's, Shnoo's yogurt
Well why don't we just go to Terra Bite
Because it says in their name that they bite
And why don't we just go to Ben and Jerry's?
Because everyone that works there is really scary
Because I like Kangaroos
Because I eat dunkaroos
Because the Seattle mariners lose
I wanna go down to Shnoo's, Shnoo's yogurt
|
||||
28. |
When Water Comes To Life
02:49
|
|||
29. |
Winter
02:18
|
|||
30. |
You're Attractive
02:29
|
|||
|
woman your attractive
I think you're cool
We Should make love
Outside by the pool
Or in the park
In the dark
On a swing
if thats your thing
ewww ewww ewww
woman your attractive
i think you should agree
cause then baby girl
you could be with me
awwww
woman your attractive
give me your number
then we could go to my bed for slumber
aww
woman your attractive
i think youre cool
we should make love
inside of the school
or in the dark
in the park
on a swing
if thats your thing
|
||||
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